I’m losing balance,
Trying to get it right,
Finding my way in the maze,
I lost myself again.
Did it wrong again,
Didn’t think twice,
Maybe I should just rewind,
But the world won’t turn back.
Is another person’s scolding,
I’m dancing on strings,
Twisted and ruthless.
We like to live in comfort and that is why we have a pattern of how we do things in life. We appreciate the leaves change from green to crisp orange in fall. The way the traffic lights move in a pattern, even our work schedile. Although when that pattern is broken,something doesn’t feel right and you can feel that jolt in your heart. Its that familar feeling when something is undeniably wrong. Its when you know you are trying your best to make things ”right’ but its not working.
Its hard to say goodbye when we spent to much time together. I remember when we would watch movies untill the sun had risen or buying matching outfits. All those texts I got about new boys or new clothes. I remember skipping school and just laughing about.It was the best of times and the worst of times. I always thought that we would be the type of friends sticking through together untill our teeth fell out.
I’ve never realized how much we drifted apart. I was always the girl who had be breaking her nails while you’d take supplements to make yours healthy. But I think its our differences that made us such good friends. Of course there is way more to the picture than just little things. Its sad to say that now those differences have torn us apart. I know that this is a part of life,but its heart wrenching. Someone you’ve known like the back of your hand becomes a jigsaw puzzzle overnight.
I just wanted to take a moment and explain why I admire this quote so much.
I think what it means to me is to not blame everything to the hands of fate. Its so easy to sit and just curse everything away and blame the lives we are given.But we can be so much more if we had a positive attitude towards thing. Negativity only puts worth more negativity. It doesn’t take much energy to sit complain that we didn’t get anything we wanted. I can gurantee that many people are not satisfied in their lives. But its our attitude that makes us who we are. I think the most important thing to remember is that the people around us portray who we are. We do not get to choose our family but our friends are the second family that we choose. Be with people who bring out the best in you. Who make you laugh untill your stomach hurts, and only leave good memories. If they influence you into things that you do not want to do such as drugs or excessive drinking then its your fault. Yes, you because soemwhere along the way you almost become blinded to the fact that you are becoming that friend you despise. Just don’t be afraid to let go of some friendships if its for the best. Its so important to have a reality check once in a while. We all have our challenges that are only spoken behind closed doors. Although how we choose to handle our situations make us who we are.
In addition too, I think that its never too late for anything. People always say how they wished they had choosen a more surpassing career path. I think its never too late to start over again. Its said that the older you are,the wiser you get. That is probably true considering that we learn from our mistakes. Though that is no excuse for blaming yesterday because that is why tomorrow is born, so you can start over today. The ones who are there for you will support you through the finish line and those who don’t have nothing else to talk about. Growing up, I watched my father battle through this. He used to have his dream job,but when we moved he didn’t. He had to start over and I watched his anger growing deeper each day. His determination to succeed was overpowered by his thoughts. The day when things started to change for him was when he decided that he had to start over. He took control of his life and decided to take a couple classes in college and acquire a new job. I watched him everday struggling,but determined and he made it.
When I was younger, I was a reckless little girl. I always wanted to do the most dangerous things,such as rope climbing,or jumping off cement stairs. I almost acquired all the characteristics of a tomboy. I loved watching the caterpillars make their way across the distorted leaves. I enjoyed rolling around in the gloppy mud,and often came home with bloody ripped jeans. My parents however were not to happy about this. But I think the one thing that I never learned to be was expressive. Every time I had a problem with something I would run away from it. If I didn’t get along with someone, I would just keep my mouth shut. Whether it was a teacher or if I had a problem with a friend. I never learned to speak for myself. One time,I even had to get stitches on my chin and as my mother told me the nurse said she was so estranged because I didn’t even make a sound. Many other four year old girls would have yelled bloody murder; but not me. I didn’t even cry when I chipped a part of my patella in the seventh grade. When I told my dad I couldn’t walk,he laughed. I kept on insisting,until I got so frustrated tears ran down my face.Everyone at school was more concerned for me, than I was for myself. It doesn’t hurt I used to say, even though sometimes I would take so many painkillers through the day. Before I went to bed my hands would be as swollen beat red and my shoulders stiff from carrying crutches all year.
I think being brave gets you only so far in life. Looking back, I wished I was more outspoken. I wish I had the courage to say no. Then maybe today, I might have not been bullied through my high school years. I would have the courage to tell people to back off. Then maybe today, my parents would treat my like an adult and not like the same way as my teenage brother. But then again, I would not be the crazily ambitious girl I am today. I never really agreed with the quote; ” everything happens for a reason”, but I’m getting there.