I don’t why it happened. I didn’t intend to stop writing but it happened. I miss the way I could express myself to other people. All of you lovely people who are curious enough to be a part of my short every day stories. I wish I hadn’t stopped writing because it gives me a kind of freedom to express myself that I can’t outside the internet. I don’t have to guard my feelings or feel pressured to do something I hate. I found it so relaxing to analyze my thoughts at the end of the day.
This morning I was checking my inbox and almost missed the message… today marks my blog’s anniversary. So here it goes, I am trying my best to blog more starting from today. Its not just something for fun, but I find it therapeutic. Wish me luck!
P.s. Don’t mind the horrible grammar. I promise it will get better as I write more because I haven’t taken an English class in a while!
You took the very best of me,
All those years just flew by,
From sunset to sunrise,
I never opened my eyes.
My veins turn from red to blue,
Echoing in pain from your vain.
Pushed down with your greed,
I licked the floor of hate.
You drained my every smile,
Stealing the eagerness in my eyes,
The life ran out my soul,
hopeless and a strayed.
There is a fire in my heart,
It burns at the sight of your face,
The slight murmur of your name.
I’ll let hell break lose,
You’ll pay your price soon,
When you see my success,
That will be the sweetest revenge.
I could tell you that I’ve been through a lot. That I have suffered through three car accidents, a knee surgery, depression, and anemia. But I could also tell you that I am grateful. Its not something you hear too often nowdays but I am. I used to be so severly anemic and underweight that I would pass out. Today I am overweight and currently don’t give a damn. I have been to close to twenty schools so far in different countries. I’ve learned to be my own best friend and trust no one. I used to be a very bitter person. My mind would crawl into darkness that would make my soul feel lifeless. I had forgotten the simple pleasures in life. I forgot to notice how good a hot carmel latte feels down a icy thorat. The way the snow kisses the earth in a flurry of sparkling diamond ice. I wish I had listened to the advice people had given me instead of tunning out. A few months ago, I did not even know if I was going to graduate, that itself is a big deal. Something I had worked for since I was just learning how to speak was being taken away from me. They told me it was impossible because I had screwed up so bad. That only worsened my depression and I shut down from the world around me. Everyday I would try to find a little hope that kept me going forward. I think that is what life revolves around hope, because without it we would never be able to leave our beds. Everything we do, always depends on tomorrow. I used to think that I could never change, that the darkness in my head would get the best of me. But I fought with every once of being I had. I made it and now I am offically graduated. I don’t know what the future will be, although I have a pretty good idea where it will be headed too.
We like to live in comfort and that is why we have a pattern of how we do things in life. We appreciate the leaves change from green to crisp orange in fall. The way the traffic lights move in a pattern, even our work schedile. Although when that pattern is broken,something doesn’t feel right and you can feel that jolt in your heart. Its that familar feeling when something is undeniably wrong. Its when you know you are trying your best to make things ”right’ but its not working.
Its hard to say goodbye when we spent to much time together. I remember when we would watch movies untill the sun had risen or buying matching outfits. All those texts I got about new boys or new clothes. I remember skipping school and just laughing about.It was the best of times and the worst of times. I always thought that we would be the type of friends sticking through together untill our teeth fell out.
I’ve never realized how much we drifted apart. I was always the girl who had be breaking her nails while you’d take supplements to make yours healthy. But I think its our differences that made us such good friends. Of course there is way more to the picture than just little things. Its sad to say that now those differences have torn us apart. I know that this is a part of life,but its heart wrenching. Someone you’ve known like the back of your hand becomes a jigsaw puzzzle overnight.