Letting go.

Letting go.

It hit me like the break between a thunderstorm. My fingers had made their way to your name on my phone. But then, resisted remembering that everything had changed. I no longer meant anything to you. I am just a clouded face from your past. Then why did I even bother? We used to share every little thing together from our day to the weather. Its painful to admit that now we are just strangers again. All this time was just a waste and all the talks are now hidden deep into yesterday.There would be a time that I would be on the phone killing time like it was nothing. You would be telling me of how your day was or how much you hated the snow. We would talk for hours until our mothers would tell us to stop because it was 2am. I was your best friend despite the fact we had nothing in common. But sometimes those are the best kind of friendships because there is so much to learn. I wish I was strong enough to close the door. But growing up, I’ve been deprived of so many things. I am so used to saying goodbye to people, that I rarely became close to anyone. I never had any good friends because the likely hood of seeing anyone again was like winning the jackpot on Christmas Eve. I am infuriated with myself, why do I even care? I shouldn’t be missing someone who doesn’t even bother to remember me. I’m tired of being the one who is trying to keep the string knotted together. But, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

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Change

Change

We like to live in comfort and that is why we have a pattern of how we do things in life. We appreciate the leaves change from green to crisp orange in fall. The way the traffic lights move in a pattern, even our work schedile. Although when that pattern is broken,something doesn’t feel right and you can feel that jolt in your heart. Its that familar feeling when something is undeniably wrong. Its when you know you are trying your best to make things ”right’ but its not working.

Its hard to say goodbye when we spent to much time together. I remember when we would watch movies untill the sun had risen or buying matching outfits. All those texts I got about new boys or new clothes. I remember skipping school and just laughing about.It was the best of times and the worst of times. I always thought that we would be the type of friends sticking through together untill our teeth fell out.

I’ve never realized how much we drifted apart. I was always the girl who had be breaking her nails while you’d take supplements to make yours healthy. But I think its our differences that made us such good friends. Of course there is way more to the picture than just little things. Its sad to say that now those differences have torn us apart. I know that this is a part of life,but its heart wrenching. Someone you’ve known like the back of your hand becomes a jigsaw puzzzle overnight.