State of Grace

 

 

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As a college student, you are looking for every chance to save money. I’m not your 4.0 student  that is too intelligent than the average almost twenty year old. Don’t miss interrupt that as myself being a lazy student, my eyes often dry out from all nighters. I could potentially go search for loans, but that also comes with a heavy return policy I cannot even fathom. So I decided to help my parents out. I had convinced myself to go back to working at a retail store.

After a few days, my manager finally moved me to the other department of the store. Since this was a large departmental store in a densely populated mall, I had yet to meet half of my coworkers.  I was so relieved I would no longer be working in the other area where I felt sabotaged by coworkers and customers. 

The day of my new shift had finally arrived. I took an extra hour putting my makeup on that morning. I had this gut feeling that it was going to be a good day. So I threw on my favorite black slacks and headed off to work. I couldn’t believe how calm my new department of the store had been. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a slim figured man, he was wearing a silk back tie paired with the perfect polished shoes. I was almost afraid to glance over as I could feel his chocolate brown eyes watching over me. The store was quite vacant that day because it had been a hot summer day and not many people seemed to come. I was so in awe by his whole physique that I was afraid to even say a word. 

The next day he finally approached me in a tender manner.  After the exchange of a few words, I had found out that we had more in common than I expected. He was so charming and he actually cared to know about me. We were both the same nationality, religion and went to the same worship place. While that may seem  nothing out of the ordinary, that doesn’t happen much because I’m from a fairly small country. I was surprised that we hadn’t meet before because we got along so well. The next couple of weeks seemed to fly so quickly.  Its safe to say that we got a little flirty when we had the time. But I was moving soon and after I had told him that. He tried to speed things up I guess by asking if I’d like to have dinner with him. I could see the disappointment on his face when I said no and I felt so horrible I could barely utter a word. But when it comes to anything even close to dating , I panic. The reason being my parents relationship was been a downwards roller coaster leaving nothing but fear in my mind. My last day at work, I barely got to see him because my manager moved me to a different location. The worst part was I didn’t know his last name or his digits.  Since I carry to much of an ego, I never went back after quitting my job. I had lost hope we would ever meet again as weeks passed.

    I was awaken by a crazy dream that he was there at the wedding I’d be attending the next day. The room was full of colorful clothing, hundreds of eyes focused on center stage of the newly weds.  Amongst all the congratulations, I could feel an itch in my throat. I dashed to the tables when they announced that dinner was served. Suddenly my hands started shaking, perspiration trickled down my forehead, and the beat of my heart was louder than all the voices in the room. It still took another ten seconds for me to grasp it, it was him. He was here. This was exactly like my dream. I grabbed my sister and I asked her if I had been hallucinating. She laughed and said no way, surely enough he was coming towards my direction to say hello.

To turn a new leaf

I don’t why it happened. I didn’t intend to stop writing but it happened. I miss the way I could express myself to other people. All of you lovely people who are curious enough to be a part of my short every day stories. I wish I hadn’t stopped writing because it gives me a kind of freedom to express myself that I can’t  outside the internet. I don’t have to guard my feelings or feel pressured to do something I hate. I found it so relaxing to  analyze my thoughts at the end of the day.

This morning I was checking my inbox and almost missed the message… today marks my blog’s anniversary.  So here it goes, I am trying my best to blog more starting from today. Its not just something for fun, but I find it therapeutic. Wish me luck!

 

 

P.s. Don’t mind the horrible grammar. I promise it will get better as I write more because I haven’t taken an English class in a while! 

A great big world

A great big world

Firstly, I haven’t written anything for so long and I feel so lost. I wasn’t quite sure what to write, but I missed having a place to share my thoughts. So forgive me if its not well composed.

Its so crazy how connected we are in today’s world. It only takes the touch of a finger to talk to anyone in the world basically. I would be awestruck when my mother used to tell me, that when she was young they only had one phone in the entire town. Thankfully to social media you can connect with anyone in seconds. This last month, a childhood friend of mine was visiting town. It was nice to see her after so many years. She is almost like a sister to me. It made me wish that the world wasn’t so big, because she is just one of those people you can always have a good time with. It was nice to hear about her experinece in living out of the country. I am always so intruged by the richness in every culture. The way she described the trip to her everyday life made me wish I could travel there too.

Breakthrough

Breakthrough

Firstly, I have no excuse for not posting for such a long time. I was just being lazy. Today I had that sudden urge to type. It gives me a certain type of clarity to write my thoughts somewhere. I am quite an outgoing person, but I hesitate to share my personal life with anyone but my fellow bloggers.

As I was waiting for the rain to stop, I sat in my car reflecting. The rain drizzled as I looked out the window trying to mirage my imperfect past.The past couple of years have been a rollercoaster. Nothing has ever been stable in my life, so I have almost grown to constantly in worry. I have faced many challenges growing up. My parents were not there for me because we were on the lower end of a middle class family and would come home at dawn. However, my mother also made her best effort to fulfill every desire I had. Being the eldest, I had to be that role model figure for my siblings. I never wanted them to have a bad influence, this pushed me to work harder. However, it was difficult maintaing grades if you have been to more schools than you can remember. In more than a few cities and countries. Being a forigner is always like being an art exhibit and having people taking around in you in a language that you cannot even comprehend.
Also it was tough letting go of new friends and remaking them again. I learned quickly that everything falls apart, so I never spent to much energy to get people’s attention. I am the kind of person that loves to hard but has a hard time saying goodbye. Consecutively I got tangled in unecessary cup of bitter high school drama. As you can imagine, only caused to shaken my self-confidence.

In my early childhood years, I also had trouble with my mom’s side of the family. You know how some idot’s say that there are no evil people in the world? Well, I’ll be the first to say that they are damn wrong! One of her brother’s particularly was consumed by money that his hands ached for greed. He did nasty things for money, cheated,gambled,stole,etc. There was this craziness in his eyes, that of a mad man’s. I often wonder if he’d ever loved anything other than paper. I had never believed that such evil could ever exist. I always tried to think of it as another way, I just could not believe his same blood ran through my veins. The thought of that made me want to grab a paper bag and spit out all that posion. He was the type of person who’s house was too big to be taken care of, and children snobbier than Olympist awarded his first medal. I despided him so much, it became impossible for me to even be around his ”thrown”.

But looking back on it now, I think I have become a grade A bitch. I honestly, don’t trust anyone and can handle my money well. But I value realtionships with my family more than anything. I have found to love the little things in life. Learning about photography and transforming it to a career as taught me so much. I appreciate the artwork of mother nature, the leaves turning from green to crisp orange in fall or the powdered snow dusting the floor of the earth. I’ve learned that the past cannot be rewind so I try to capture each moment with the integrity it deseves. After being depressed for so long, I forgot to close my eyes while I drink coffee, to listen to the waves crash against the shore, and to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. It really takes a lot to turn your life around. I also had to close some doors that became
a hurdle in my way. I have met so many amazing people who have transformed me into the person I am today. I believe now, more than anything, that everything happens for a reason.

A tribute to Miss America

A tribute to Miss America

In beauty pageants, you are not just judged based on you appearance but as a person. Beauty is not everything that can be seen, but also what lies inside. It is true that beauty lies within the eye of its beholder. To each individual the word beautiful means something else. It is not something that can ever be defined because that would be like explaining how air looks like.I think it was absolutely disgusting that people threw such horrible racist slurs towards her! It honestly makes be a bit ashamed to become American.Growing up I shared a lot of what Nina has been through being brown skinned. I also got my share of hate towards my appearance and where my parents came from. Its sad but undeniably true that racism stays prominent even in today’s society. But it completely boggles my mind because a lot has changed in the twenty first century including gay rights. But yet we still cannot accept people of different skin colors? That’s like picking a orange over a plum because of its appearance. Have we not learned anything from our past. I feel like even today some people forget the history of America. We are all immigrants that came here to live a better life, whether your a first generation American or a sixty seventh. (Well except if your one hundred percent native.)

I remember watching countless movies and learning about Martin Luther King Jr. He worked his entire life devoting to the rights of colored people. It is what makes up most of American Literature and History. You always hear about all these heroic figures that have sacrificed so much to ensure that one day this country will rise up and look past looks. Even though we are not even half-way there yet. I don’t think that everyone will stop being racist at any point. But I do believe that we are much better than this. The United States is a melting pot of different cultures and people form all over the world. I think the problem is that schools should be more open to teaching students about diversity. More often we learn things outside the classroom that really are important.

I think Nina is a role model for all young women out there. She aspires them to be themselves and dream big. Most people are venting out hate on how she should not have been given the title of Miss America 2014. They dished her out and accused her for so much that she is not even close too. But I couldn’t disagree more! Her answers to the the questions the judges asked seemed so sincere and intelligent. She is bringing change into the world. Hopefully, she will accomplish many great things for the country. There are lots of girls who watched on television and found a new spark of hope.